Live Out Loud Ministries

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Being Single

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I’ve been single for technically about 5 months but I’ve really been single over a year. Now I’m an expert. 🙂 Well, maybe not, but I do know a lot more than I did. First, I did small things I couldn’t do before: I bought a new mat for our front door, I put up a fence, I bought my first bicycle in forever, I put up Christmas lights, I rearranged furniture, I went went zip lining (trust me, it’s a big deal!), I saw people later and more often than I could have before and I cried harder than I ever have.

There has been mostly joy and I must say there is such an awesome feeling when Christ holds you up despite your failures. I kept picturing me sitting in the palm of His hand and Him saying, “I’ve got you. No matter what I’ve got you.” And, then to see that in the little things and in the big things, it has been quite a journey. And, it’s been mostly amazing.

The people that have disappointed me in this process have been few and far between. But, the people who have and still are my support have been unbelievable. The money, the meals, the listening, the anger for me, the love has been almost overwhelming. I remember one of the days when I couldn’t get out of bed and my sister came over (even when I said not to) and dangled ice cream on my front porch just so I’d see the sun. I remember Traci bringing food because I couldn’t stop the ugly cry. I remember Julie and her family coming over in a moments notice. I remember my brother and his family driving up when I told him I how I was doing just to take me to dinner. I couldn’t focus on the dinner or the people at the time; I was in a fog but now it brings me joy. I remember another brother calling me and saying that I was the “nicest person he’s ever known” and that he is so sorry. I remember my mom and how her heart was almost as broken as mine. I remember when people came to just be with me. I’m not even mentioning most of the stories.

And then there are the friends like Megan and Kim who still check on me and love on me and remind me everyday that I’m never alone. And, the truth is I’m not lonely. I am loved and exceedingly so.

I never thought I’d be divorced. It goes against what I believe in and what I wanted for my family. It still hits me sometimes and makes me kind of sad, but I’m glad it does. I don’t want to be hardened to thinking that it’s okay. Still, I want to appreciate all the gifts I have.

There was resentment, anger, disbelief, so much sadness and thoughts of revenge. Mostly now, those feelings are gone and I’m filled with the realization that I enjoy my life and my choices, my girl (A LOT!) and much more.

I’m very thankful. Thank you Lord.

 

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This entry was posted on June 17, 2016 by in Uncategorized.
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